Speaking of jobs, have you read the "Fake Steve Jobs" blog? Pure gold... I love it when the FSJ (think about it... think about it...) tells his tales of dealing with Al Gore, or Bill Gates, or any other noted celebrities... I rarely laugh out loud, but the "Fake Steve Jobs" blog made me chuckle!
So then, I was reading the comedian Steven Wright's blog... can you say, stream of conciousness? Either that, or great mood-altering chemicals!
Hey, did you see the article where someone, and I think it's Merriam-Webster, is dumping the hyphen because nobody knows how to use it anymore? Thank you, txt msgs!
Anyway, I wanted to share a few of Mr. Wright's "observations..." Do you remember in "Cheers" where Fraser turns to Cliff and asks, "Cliff, what color is the sky in your world?"
Dude and dud-ettes, I can totally relate! That's right where I live... OK, here are some Wright-isms... enjoy!
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
- Smoking cures weight problems... eventually...
- In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
- I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"
- When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
- Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
- Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...
- I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
- Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
That's all for now... pray for peace!
PrairiePete
P.S. - Come and join us at Prairie Lutheran Church - 11000 Blossom Road in Eden Prairie, MN 55347 (phone: 952-829-0525). Our services are at 8:30 (trad.) and 10:45 (cont.), with education in the middle.
