More fantastic Emo Philips Quotes...

Thanks for making me laugh, Emo!
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.