Gems from Steven Wright...

Have you ever seen Steven Wright on "the telly?" He's the comedian with the deadpan delivery... you have to listen very carefully to what he says, but his observations crack me up!!! Here are a few of his classics... thanks for your intelligence, Mr. Wright!

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I've posted these before, but they bear repeating!
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"What's another word for 'thesaurus?'"

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

"I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, 'Cut it out!'"

"I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving."

"I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think 'Hey, maybe I wrote that.'"

"I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific."

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Some more classics!
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"I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'"

"Hermits have no peer pressure."

"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories."

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?"

"I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious."

"Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers."

"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

"I'm a peripheral visionary."

"I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O."

"Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?"

"I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add."

"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

"I'm taking La Maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing."

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Are you laughing yet? Laughing is good for your health, you know...